Today I ALMOST escaped my oppressive bondage! Here is the tale of how I almost tasted freedom!
The day started off normal enough, I was instructed to cover up my squishy and jiggly bits with clothes. This routine chore seems so important to the big people. So, I indulged their irrational demands and found some clothes that I found acceptable. Animal footsie pajamas accented with Power Ranger shorts seemed like the right choice.
I then allowed the mother figure to watch, Boss Baby with me again so she could understand proper authoritative structure. However, she was continually distracted by playing some game she calls, “Cleaning”.
It was OK though, I capitalized on her distractions from her little games. I seized this perfect opportunity I had been waiting for to flee my horrid bondage and live a life of freedom on the open road! First, I had to prepare for the adventure ahead of me, animal footsie pajamas wouldn’t cut it, they’d slow me down when speed is essential. I decided to go the obvious route of removing all my clothes, there would be no big people enforcing their ridiculous rules where I would be going!
After the Mom-Mom went into the kitchen to erase my recent artistic creation entitled, “Sippy cup dance, sans lid” I decided to slip out the front door. Can you blame me? I’ve read of cultures that try to stifle creative expression and I won’t live under that oppression!
In the driveway, I found the perfect get-away vehicle. The hairy one used to use the vehicle to bring food to chickens. Recently he had foolishly taken me for rides in the freedom mobile. During the rides, I had deciphered how to operate the liberation machine! Liberty lay seconds away, within my grasp … when the bearded one caught me. He dragged me back inside, my screams of protest and cries for justice yet again fell on deaf ears! The Mom-Mom added insult to injury by singing her mocking song, “Life is tough when you’re two years old”.
One day, I shall have my revenge and escape this totalitarian dictatorship!